When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want her autograph on my taint
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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