I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
