im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
