Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
