Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
