I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
