im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
