My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
