People in love make me want to vomit
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
this hospital has no fireball
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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