Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
