I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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