Your tits are I can't wait for
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
