im holly from the hills drunk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
