were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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