If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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