I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
