I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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