It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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