chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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