There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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