Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
