holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
