god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
