My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
