So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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