i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
