Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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