Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
