you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
