When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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