Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
