I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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