Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
