Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
