i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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