dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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