i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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