uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
