What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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