I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
