just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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