Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
