We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
