Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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