A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Someone signed my nipple.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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