I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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