How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
