Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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