i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
