can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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